Cultivating Calm in Motherhood and…Matrescence
What is Matrescence?
Motherhood is beautiful. It’s incredible what our bodies, minds and spirits can achieve when we take this rite of passage, and a privilege to raise the little souls we bring into the world. They are the future, and it’s our role to nurture and guide them with kindness, patience and care.
But motherhood is also hard. Has anyone else, like me, felt lonely and misunderstood whilst navigating the vast changes in body and mind that you didn’t expect, or wonder why you just don’t quite feel like ‘you' anymore? Alongside pregnancies that can feel all consuming, sleep deprivation in the early years and the worry that grows deeper with each child, we experience vast psychological, physiological and emotional changes. The load we carry is heavy, and exhausting.
Thankfully, just as the changes women experience in adolescence or menopause are given recognition, there is now a term to describe the effects of the life-changing event that is motherhood: Matrescence. Whilst we have been giving birth for thousands of years, the science is now proving that the significant psychological and physiological changes that occur during the postpartum period may last a lifetime, not the 6 months our GP tells us it takes to fully recover. Motherhood changes us, neither our bodies nor our minds will ever truly be the same again. Our responsibilities significantly increase, and the cognitive load only continues to grow as our children change and develop.
My journey started four years ago with the birth of our son, with twin girls enlarging our brood two years later, I’m still finding my way back to ‘me’. Navigating this period has been challenging, but nurturing ourselves with the same love, care and compassion we bestow upon others through daily self-care practices can help us to cultivate calm and a sense of grounding through this period. And if that isn’t reason enough, remember carrying for yourself enables you to better care for those around you.
Cultivating calm as you navigate matrescence
Self-care truly is self-preservation, but we have to thoughtfully and purposely create a routine that enables us to cultivate our own sense of calm in a world where we are time-poor. We may feel at the bottom of the pecking order after devoting our time to our children, house, partners and careers. Which is why something as simple as a self-care routine can feel like one thing too many to add to your plate. But integrating simple activities throughout your daily routine can help to calm the nervous system and re-connect with the part of us that often feels completely lost.
The secret to setting daily rituals that become habit is consistency, so choosing simple practices that can practically be integrated in and amongst the chaos of parenting young children is the key. There are so many effective practices like morning meditation or journalling that just don’t feel accessible when your alarm clock is a screaming baby. Below are simple and realistic suggestions that even the busiest of moms can integrate into their routines, all of which have been YOGIMA tested and approved (hint: it’s giving spa energy and it’s such an era):
Set the energy with sound - with 3 kids under 4 we have had every variation of a rough night you can imagine, which sometimes can mean the mornings don’t feel all that ‘jolly’. So I use sound as our morning reset and a way to start the day on a peaceful note. Without fail when we head down for breakfast it is always accompanied by the calming sound of birds chirping or spa music on the speakers to calm the energy and, as simple as it is, it really works.
Rose-water spritz - I am obsessed, obsessed with rosewater. Not only does it reduce inflammation and puffiness (thank you, sleepless nights) research has shown it has anti-anxiety properties. I religiously douse my face post-shower every morning and immediately feel better for it, and so does my skin because these wrinkles aren’t going to stop themselves!
Gua-sha - another miracle worker in the inflammation and puffiness department, I’ve incorporated a quick gua-sha session into my morning routine that is quick, easy and leaves me feeling a little more human. Check out my reel for a cute little tutorial.
Movement - how could I not mention a spot of yoga? Whilst I’d love to practice without distraction that isn’t always possible, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the benefits. I have taken to shorter sessions on the mat with the kids by my side, and their downward dogs are so cute it’s worth the company. If you don’t feel comfortable enough in your own practice, even a few sun salutations will help wake up the body and reduce stress.
Breathe - the breath truly is your anchor and when you learn how to control it you can quickly reduce stress and calm the nervous system. Download my breath work toolkit here for simple practices you can easily work in when you have *literally* a minute, or even use alongside the more testing aspects of toddlerhood!
Scent + the Space - I absolutely love a little sage to cleanse stagnant energy…or post toddler tantrum energy. It really does make things feel that little bit more peaceful. If sage isn’t your thing, I always have some incense to hand, a scented candle or relaxing essential oils on the diffuser. This, coupled with the right playlist, and you’ll think you’re on a retreat!
Scent + the Breath - the olfactory nerves are incredibly powerful, with scent having the ability to evoke emotional responses in a way that can bring on an immediate feeling of peace and grounding. I like to use an essential oil breathing balm or roller ball on the back of my hand when I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, taking in the scent with a deep inhale through the nose before slowly exhaling to calm the nervous system.
Sleep - expanding on the above, I use an essential oil pillow spray every night to stimulate the olfactory system with relaxing scents that promote sleep and relaxation.
Whilst this list isn’t extensive, these are all simple and easy practices that, when followed as daily rituals, over time help to cultivate a sense of calm so many of us are searching for as we navigate… matrescence.
